If only it were that easy

I get current feeds from wikiHow on my igoogle page and its ridiculous some of the things they “coach” you on how to do. Things like; How to open a door with a credit card, How to be retro, How to flip a coin on your knuckles. Today’s was absolutely funny; How to fall out of love. I just had to see what they wrote and decided to share. Truth is, it might actually work for someone who is looking to fall out of love. Enjoy…

1.        Make a list of all the reasons it wasn’t meant to be. The number one reason should be that you are worth someone who loves you and who thinks you are awesome. It’s always flattering to have an admirer, but you deserve better than to just be somebody’s ego boost. Other reasons may include incompatibility, especially when you imagine yourself spending the rest of your life with this person and remember the ways in which you clash on a regular basis. Human memory can be selective, and you may find yourself dwelling on that first kiss in the park, or that time when you laughed till you almost cried…but also remember the times when you felt neglected, unappreciated, betrayed, or even deeply annoyed.

o        See their faults. Nobody is perfect. The longer you hold on to the idea that this person is perfect, the harder it’ll be to get on with your life. It’s completely possible that you’re idealizing someone just so that you can have a fantasy to hold on to. You should accept that this person is not perfect, and definitely not perfect for you — because the perfect person for you would think as highly of you as you do of them.

o        Think of what you want from a significant other that you didn’t get from this person. Was he or she arrogant? Cold? Controlling? Write down the opposites of those traits (humble, warm, and empowering) and put them wherever you can see them often. Not only will you see what this person didn’t have, but you’ll learn from this experience and look forward to finding someone who better suits you.

o        Ask yourself if it was really true love you were feeling for this person. Read How to Know the Difference Between Love, Infatuation and Lust. If you recognize that it was infatuation or lust rather than love, then you will have an easier time letting go.

2.       Remove as many traces of their presence in your life as you can. This is very, very difficult but also very important. Ask friends and family to help you sort through things and put anything that reminds you of him or her in a box. If you want to give these things back to the person, mail them–don’t give it to them in person and torture yourself. An alternative is to bury the box (presuming it won’t contaminate the water supply), burn it (with caution), or throw it (forcefully) into the dumpster. The physical act of destroying reminders of them may help your emotional side catch up.

o        If you lived together, consider redecorating. Even moving furniture around can help dilute those feelings that will inevitably surge when you wake up without them next to you. If it’s possible and necessary, you might even consider moving.

3.       Distance yourself. You won’t want to, but staying close to someone you want but can’t have just isn’t healthy. Don’t tell the person or anyone close to them what you are doing, as they might try to convince you otherwise. Just try to get away for a while. Don’t call them, don’t go places where you know they frequent, and make yourself scarce. Take the time to reflect on your situation and learn more about yourself.

o        The object of your affection might notice you are distancing yourself from them. They will try to get you to see them more. Say you have been really busy with all of these new activities. Tell them you have other things to do, too. You must have a life separate from theirs. Don’t answer their calls and don’t call them or text message them. You will be tempted to, but don’t.

o        Don’t assume after distancing yourself for awhile that you are over it. Be careful to make sure you are fully over this person before you see the person again. Otherwise all your progress will be undone, and you’ll be back at square one.

o         If this person was an unhealthy influence in your life (controlling, manipulative, abusive, etc.), cut them out completely. There’s no obligation to stay on good terms with someone who made your life miserable, even if they didn’t mean to. They may try to make you feel sorry for them in order to keep you wrapped around their finger. Cut off all ties and move on. Read How to End a Controlling or Manipulative Relationship.

4.       Do all the things you’ve ever wanted to do, that you wouldn’t have done if you were still with this person. Did you always want to take a tango class, but didn’t because he or she “doesn’t dance, period” and you didn’t want to go without them? Did you want to go to that car, fashion, or antique lamp show with your friends, but felt reluctant to spend your day off with someone other than your love? Did you want to travel to an exotic country, but your partner didn’t want to go because it’s too hot/dirty/boring? Maybe–probably–there are ways in which the relationship held you back. Now is the perfect time to focus on those missed opportunities. Do whatever you can to feel better about yourself. Exercise, eat well, take a class, meet people, go to parties, have fun. Life is too short to spend it pining for someone who doesn’t see you for the great person you are. There are those out there who will.

5.        Mingle. While you are distancing yourself from said object of affection, try to meet new people who share similar interests. If you choose to date, avoid the temptation to settle for whomever asks you out, just to distract you from your old flame, or you might end up making someone fall in love with you whom you don’t love back!

6.        Understand that the feelings may never fade completely. You felt close to this person at one point in your life, and while you can eventually realize emotionally that you’ve grown apart, you will probably always have a soft spot for him or her. At some point, it may be possible to remain friends, but mind the boundaries and don’t let your heart fall back into it.

 

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