’tis I again

March 31, 2009

Halo, Halo (do you remember that comedy?). I know KusKus does and that is enough for me; it makes me feel like I am not the only one that remembers these things. Anyhow, what’s really good? Saturday’s post caused a reaction. It relieved me and I am happy it made some folks laugh. Well that is typical life and times of edede but today I am going the serious route and hopefully you might find something amusing or profound as you go along.

I read in AMNY that VP, Joe Biden’s daughter was caught on tape sniffing cocaine (allegedly)…I hope its not her sha (yea right) but I really feel bad for the chic and even more for her dad. The guy looks too old to be stressing about his daughter’s alleged drug issues. To make issues worse a lawyer was hawking the tape for $250,000. What do I think? I think that putting the story in the news was a damage control tactic. If someone is allegedly caught on tape sniffing cocaine and the public is made aware, I don’t think that they will be thrilled by the validation. Now, if I thought Biden’s daughter was a saint (even if she is a social worker in Delaware) and suddenly saw a tape on the internet of her sniffing cocaine, I would be appalled. Anyhow, whatever the truth might be, I hope it all works out for good – and good includes rehab.

Genius! I watched DL Hugley’s show on CNN late last night and saw that there are some places in California that sell weed legally. Even more appalling the state of California makes about $100,000 or over monthly on the sales of weed (please verify). Okay, I’m having a light bulb moment. I heard that California is bankrupt…hmm, are you thinking what I’m thinking?????

Moving on, Japan is at it again. First they build fantastic cars in the 70s that eventually cripple of the American car industry (the big 3 are in sticky situations right now, as you might now the CEO of General Motors was asked – more like forced – to step down). Japan has built a humanoid robot. Oh my, I am having a sudden matrix/terminator scare…THE ROBOTS ARE GOING TO DESTROY ALL OF HUMANITY…yikes! On a serious note though, scientists in Japan created a robot in the likeness of the average Japanese woman (kindda spooky innit?) Check this out; the eyes, face and hair of the robot cost $2 milla to develop…azzinnnn, what!! Her hands lack the luster but these things are a work in progress so cut them some slack.

Edede seeks a personal swimming instructor. I don’t have money to pay you but I will pay for one year’s membership to the New York Sports and Recreation Center with access to locations in all 5 boroughs. Hola at me if you are interested.

Until next time people

Adios!

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awkward…

March 29, 2009

 

I need to write mehnnnnnn. Ahn ahn! I have been in hiatus for the longest time…HABAH! I am going crazy…having headaches all because of this anti-social streak. Let me give you a run down of my day today…I woke up, and stayed in bed with books all around me…I read, slept and woke up with books around me…I went to the kitchen, had cookies, 2 cans of coke and returned to a bed with books on it. What is it???? Everyone is asking me what is wrong, when nothing is wrong – at least, nothing should be wrong. Anyhow, it is depressing and I hate it and I want to scrrrrrrrrrreaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaammmm – so I resort to writing.

 

So I had a couple of awkward moments in the past week but allow me the share the most interesting. I sat on the 6 train with this guy…next thing I know he pulls out a prisoner movement slip from his jacket pocket and lo and behold, it was his picture on the slip…I was freaked out (and excited cos alas I have gist for y’all) So you can imagine me sitting next to a “convict”…not knowing what to do…what if he has an episode and snaps at me…hmmm, what to do? I kept my calm and tried not to sit too close (hence I was practically on the railings)…I waited till I got to my stop then I got up quickly. Guess what? Homeboy got up too…YEPA! MY LIFE! MY LIFE! I started to recall conversations with popsie “Es, I don’t like you going out at night…a young lady shouldn’t be out that late…why do you have to go out every Friday (an exaggeration if I might add)”…but all that is irrelevant because a CONVICT is out to “get me”.

 

At this point I am hyper paranoid and for some reason the song in my head was “Maria, Maria, you remind me of a Westside story, growing up in Spanish Harlem, She’s living her life just like a movie starrrr” – don’t ask; I am just as confused as you are now. Yes I was in Spanish Harlem at the time but that song wasn’t the right sound track for the situation (I swear men, I need an orchestra to trail me and capture my life in scores). Anyhow sha, long story cut short, the guy went on his way and I walked home horridly. I practically judged the guy…but guy sef should have kept his prisoner movement slip in his pocket. As in, where is the shame gan na?

 


life and times

March 18, 2009

I am in a drought of gist right now. I know, I know, I’ve been MIA for a minute and a half but (wo)man had to take care of some pressing issues. As much as I enjoy blogging, I am not about to make my living from it, so you must bear with me. However, being the considerate blogger that I am, I decided to search my inbox for some of Yesi’s short stories that I will share – without his permission (I hope I don’t get shit-listed for this sha). No, these aren’t romance (we don’t do romance at edede; romance is boring). These are life and times stories. Enjoy!

________________________
Manclopedia – Vol 1
Another one
*1994*
*Conversation with my Uncle*

I watched him take a swig of the beer with his eyes closed. His Adams-apple yo-yoed as he swallowed.

With a smile perched at the corner of his lips, he opened his eyes to catch my gaze.

Son,” he started, “The only thing better than a cold bottle of beer…” his voice trailed off, as if he fell
into deep thought.

He continued with more conviction,” The only thing better is another cold bottle of beer!!!

He was pleased with his profound statement and his face wore a contagious smirk etched also in my face.

Now go get me another one!

________________­­­________

Manclopedia – Vol 2

The Wall

*1992*

The tension in the air was palpable. I stared my opponent down with fiery eyes, but my countenance was matched by his determination. In this, the most noble of sports, a loss at this monumental occasion was unacceptable. For grabs were dining-table bragging rights. Yes, my younger five-year old brother he was, but in that instant, all I saw was the enemy.

Victory shall be mine!!

The rules were simple.

– Contestants stand equidistant from the wall.

– Feet can neither move, nor leave the ground.

– The contestant who pees highest on the wall wins.

The enemy assumed the position. His demeanor exuded confidence… and for good reason. He had refused to pee since lunch-time, and had consumed an obscene amount of water and Ribena. He had spent the better part of the day doing the cross-legged -chicken-dance to prevent a bladder explosion as we watched cartoons on TV.

He looked at me one last time, dropped his shorts and let rip.

WOW!!!

His trajectory was unbelievable. He almost hit the top of the wall on his first trickle. I watched, mouth agape, as he inched closer and closer to the top. Just when I thought he was done, he thrust his hips forward to deliver one final spout that scaled the wall. He had not only beaten my personal best, he had shattered it. I looked at him with new found respect.

My turn

I set my feet, took a deep breath and peed for all I was worth. A pathetic start; I hit just a little above the middle of the wall. My brother giggled at my dismal showing.

 

No I won’t go out like this

I pushed as hard as I could. Closer, closer… but I needed a little more umph! I bent my knees, thrust my hips forward, pushed my torso back, and continued to urinate in a ridiculous Matrix-esque pose. Closer, closer… but my body was running out of fluids.

Can’t lose, must win!!!

I thrust further, further until… WHAMMM!!! I opened my eyes to find myself flat on my back… salty liquid all over my face. My brother erupted into laughter as he ran back towards the house. Dinner was already served.


assist

March 17, 2009

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pink whale

March 10, 2009

Apparently my new work policy has taken its toll on my blogging routine. Anyhow, *sighs* how are you? Pardon me if I don’t write much tonight. For one, it’s Monday, it’s late and I am tired. For another, I just ate which makes it doubly tired. Interesting fact I found out today; there are albino whales. I always thought albinism happens to only people, until I saw a picture of a pink whale. Yes, pink. The whale has no pigments just like in albino people. I did further research and found out about albino crocodiles, monkeys, tigers, kangaroos, koalas etc, it’s amazing!

On the subject of Albinos, there is a scary phenomenon in Tanzania. Albinos are being captured and killed in Tanzania for money rituals. It’s hard enough for albinos to live in superstitious environments with the stigma but to be captured and killed for money rituals is beyond me. Lets be informed…lets start talking, awareness goes a long way.

Google Albino + BBC for articles


On music

March 1, 2009

 

There’s this buzz about KEL – the new naija female rap artist, so I was like, lemme find out…I’ll let you know what it is when I do find out. Those of you who know me well know that I am into music like crazy, especially underground and underrated music. If I hear something that I like and I feel like its not getting the attention it deserves I make sure everyone around me knows of the song, hate it or love it, I don’t care but the fact that I love the song is enough to make it a HIT (cause my music taste is lethal like that). We have these artists out now doing big things and making names for themselves in the music industry, which is good. However, if TIMAYA comes out with another “Ye” and “Dem Mama Papa” type beat again, I will pull my extensions out. It’s hard, true, trying to stay relevant in the industry and playing it safe but after a while music lovers like me will to get tired and click next even before the song starts playing on our MP3. Not withstanding TIMAYA is a good artist that has done well and I give him props for that (hence I’m not a complete hater).

So who are the new/not so new artists that I think you should look out for? (Order is Irrelevant)

FISHE – I first heard FISHE when I was messing with AfricanHipHop.com. This guy stays true to his style.

RUKUS – I first heard this guys rap about emmm…4 years ago or so on one naija site like that. Very talented.

TEETO – Heard this dude for the first time this week. Blazin!

JESSE JAGZ – M.I’s bro and an MC in his own right, ‘nuff said.

YESI – last but definitely not least, I was invited for a listening session. It’s the new freshness!

As for yankee music I enjoy me some Santagold, Kid Cudi (speaking of which he features on Kanye’s new single “Welcome to Heartbreak”), I love me some Lupe and some Gemini especially when its Lupe and Gemini collaborating and of course I listen to Movado when I’m feeling gangsta with myself. I respect Kanye but I think that if he doesn’t watch himself he just might become the new Joaquin Phoenix; dude’s songs are getting depressing by the millisecond (at least its better than Wayne’s “I feel like Dying”). I think I’m gonna start getting mix tapes o, I was in a cab and the driver had this mix tape playing and I enjoyed it so much that I didn’t want to get out of the cab…azzin serious talent up in harlem (I assume ‘cause they sound “harlemade”).

On a completely unrelated topic, I was thinking what it would be like if I was illiterate. Not being able to read and write in this day and age is…is…I have no words for the…absolute absurdity of the situation. I wonder what the statistic is on illiterate kids and adults in Africa. Have you stopped to think about this too or is it just me, again?

Hasta Proxima Semana, PAX