life and times

March 18, 2009

I am in a drought of gist right now. I know, I know, I’ve been MIA for a minute and a half but (wo)man had to take care of some pressing issues. As much as I enjoy blogging, I am not about to make my living from it, so you must bear with me. However, being the considerate blogger that I am, I decided to search my inbox for some of Yesi’s short stories that I will share – without his permission (I hope I don’t get shit-listed for this sha). No, these aren’t romance (we don’t do romance at edede; romance is boring). These are life and times stories. Enjoy!

Manclopedia – Vol 1
Another one
*Conversation with my Uncle*

I watched him take a swig of the beer with his eyes closed. His Adams-apple yo-yoed as he swallowed.

With a smile perched at the corner of his lips, he opened his eyes to catch my gaze.

Son,” he started, “The only thing better than a cold bottle of beer…” his voice trailed off, as if he fell
into deep thought.

He continued with more conviction,” The only thing better is another cold bottle of beer!!!

He was pleased with his profound statement and his face wore a contagious smirk etched also in my face.

Now go get me another one!


Manclopedia – Vol 2

The Wall


The tension in the air was palpable. I stared my opponent down with fiery eyes, but my countenance was matched by his determination. In this, the most noble of sports, a loss at this monumental occasion was unacceptable. For grabs were dining-table bragging rights. Yes, my younger five-year old brother he was, but in that instant, all I saw was the enemy.

Victory shall be mine!!

The rules were simple.

– Contestants stand equidistant from the wall.

– Feet can neither move, nor leave the ground.

– The contestant who pees highest on the wall wins.

The enemy assumed the position. His demeanor exuded confidence… and for good reason. He had refused to pee since lunch-time, and had consumed an obscene amount of water and Ribena. He had spent the better part of the day doing the cross-legged -chicken-dance to prevent a bladder explosion as we watched cartoons on TV.

He looked at me one last time, dropped his shorts and let rip.


His trajectory was unbelievable. He almost hit the top of the wall on his first trickle. I watched, mouth agape, as he inched closer and closer to the top. Just when I thought he was done, he thrust his hips forward to deliver one final spout that scaled the wall. He had not only beaten my personal best, he had shattered it. I looked at him with new found respect.

My turn

I set my feet, took a deep breath and peed for all I was worth. A pathetic start; I hit just a little above the middle of the wall. My brother giggled at my dismal showing.


No I won’t go out like this

I pushed as hard as I could. Closer, closer… but I needed a little more umph! I bent my knees, thrust my hips forward, pushed my torso back, and continued to urinate in a ridiculous Matrix-esque pose. Closer, closer… but my body was running out of fluids.

Can’t lose, must win!!!

I thrust further, further until… WHAMMM!!! I opened my eyes to find myself flat on my back… salty liquid all over my face. My brother erupted into laughter as he ran back towards the house. Dinner was already served.



March 17, 2009

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pink whale

March 10, 2009

Apparently my new work policy has taken its toll on my blogging routine. Anyhow, *sighs* how are you? Pardon me if I don’t write much tonight. For one, it’s Monday, it’s late and I am tired. For another, I just ate which makes it doubly tired. Interesting fact I found out today; there are albino whales. I always thought albinism happens to only people, until I saw a picture of a pink whale. Yes, pink. The whale has no pigments just like in albino people. I did further research and found out about albino crocodiles, monkeys, tigers, kangaroos, koalas etc, it’s amazing!

On the subject of Albinos, there is a scary phenomenon in Tanzania. Albinos are being captured and killed in Tanzania for money rituals. It’s hard enough for albinos to live in superstitious environments with the stigma but to be captured and killed for money rituals is beyond me. Lets be informed…lets start talking, awareness goes a long way.

Google Albino + BBC for articles

On music

March 1, 2009


There’s this buzz about KEL – the new naija female rap artist, so I was like, lemme find out…I’ll let you know what it is when I do find out. Those of you who know me well know that I am into music like crazy, especially underground and underrated music. If I hear something that I like and I feel like its not getting the attention it deserves I make sure everyone around me knows of the song, hate it or love it, I don’t care but the fact that I love the song is enough to make it a HIT (cause my music taste is lethal like that). We have these artists out now doing big things and making names for themselves in the music industry, which is good. However, if TIMAYA comes out with another “Ye” and “Dem Mama Papa” type beat again, I will pull my extensions out. It’s hard, true, trying to stay relevant in the industry and playing it safe but after a while music lovers like me will to get tired and click next even before the song starts playing on our MP3. Not withstanding TIMAYA is a good artist that has done well and I give him props for that (hence I’m not a complete hater).

So who are the new/not so new artists that I think you should look out for? (Order is Irrelevant)

FISHE – I first heard FISHE when I was messing with This guy stays true to his style.

RUKUS – I first heard this guys rap about emmm…4 years ago or so on one naija site like that. Very talented.

TEETO – Heard this dude for the first time this week. Blazin!

JESSE JAGZ – M.I’s bro and an MC in his own right, ‘nuff said.

YESI – last but definitely not least, I was invited for a listening session. It’s the new freshness!

As for yankee music I enjoy me some Santagold, Kid Cudi (speaking of which he features on Kanye’s new single “Welcome to Heartbreak”), I love me some Lupe and some Gemini especially when its Lupe and Gemini collaborating and of course I listen to Movado when I’m feeling gangsta with myself. I respect Kanye but I think that if he doesn’t watch himself he just might become the new Joaquin Phoenix; dude’s songs are getting depressing by the millisecond (at least its better than Wayne’s “I feel like Dying”). I think I’m gonna start getting mix tapes o, I was in a cab and the driver had this mix tape playing and I enjoyed it so much that I didn’t want to get out of the cab…azzin serious talent up in harlem (I assume ‘cause they sound “harlemade”).

On a completely unrelated topic, I was thinking what it would be like if I was illiterate. Not being able to read and write in this day and age is…is…I have no words for the…absolute absurdity of the situation. I wonder what the statistic is on illiterate kids and adults in Africa. Have you stopped to think about this too or is it just me, again?

Hasta Proxima Semana, PAX

I’m psyched!

February 28, 2009

So yesterday I get this email from a guy in Cyprus; he says he got my website address from a friend and he wants to get some tees. How cool is that? In fact GOD will BLESS that FRIEND in EXCESS. The fact that news of Allen & Fifth is crossing borders and reaching Cyprus just makes me what to keep doing things. It’s amazing and thank you all for all your support. GRACIAS, GRACIAS, GRACIAS. Yesterday, also, I was on an emailing spree to any and everybody in the street wear industry – I told y’all that I’m on some red-eye sturvs. As in, the determination is ridiculous, plus I got “gassed” by one of my really friends at work (she got an EFIKO tee for her boyfriend and he wears it all the time). It’s nice to have people who believe in you – sometimes more that you believe in yourself. If you know anyone out there pushing the limit and/or taking a bold step, always cheer them on because it can get really frustrating when you are on the grind. (What Lies Beneath & the YESI project; I’m watching you babes).

On a serious note, come Monday I will be training for a new position in the firm. Dude, it’s gonna be some core finance type stuff. Its funny ‘cause two of my coolest friends are working in finance in very good companies (although one of these companies will soon be 40% govt. owned – hehehehe) and I always laugh at them when they talk about month-end, quarter-end and year-end reports. Well guess what? Come Monday, the tables will turn and I’ll be working on some Regulatory sturvs and just to tell you how crazy it will get, the current market situation calls for tough regulatory scrutiny. My fate speaks for it self…edede might not have the luxury of upping and leaving early, ‘na’mean?

On the economy – no, not the American economy, America will be alright and I have declared that poverty is not my portion (Amen) – about the Nigerian economy; do you feel sometimes that we get caught up in the limelight and celeb royalty that we forget the main issues of the country? I do and I want to know if it’s just me. Thanks to internet and young entrepreneurs there is a surge of mass media in Naija creating mini celebs and feeding the growth of already established ones. I don’t hear much about social responsibility though. I’m not talking about the cliché “Oh yea, I went to Lagos and visited the motherless babies home and gave them 2 bags of rice and one gallon of ororo”…I’m talking about job creation and involvement in grassroots movements and political upheaval (when necessary, if not abeg don’t kill yourself – there are bigger fights). The amazing thing about business is that you don’t have to be completely selfless to make a difference in your community. I’m hereby declaring edede the home of the think tank and I’m curious to see what ideas we can come up with together.

Start thinking, keep thinking and until next entry, PAX.

its been a new york minute

February 27, 2009

Hola y Buenos dias! How are you all doing on this beautiful day? Life is good isn’t it? Not to worry I’m not here to give you a pep talk but to etch my thoughts on cyber space again. As most of you noticed it has been a minute since I last posted an entry. Why? A couple or reasons actually, though the main reason is that I can’t access my beloved wordpress at work anymore – tut-tut, goes to show the length I go for you folks, and my sanity. Anyhow, I can’t let that minor set back bar me from doing one of the things that I have come to enjoy and I won’t let my handful of fans down; hence today’s entry.

Not sure if I mentioned that when I got back from vacay I came to meet a re-org. Yep, my group was reshuffled…I have a new boss now, a new role and hopefully a new work life (hopefully ‘cause its still a slow transition). Let me tell you about my new oga…She is the coolest chic on the planet. Young, laid back and not afraid to question authority and quite sarcastic but in a funny way. Trust me, this is a 360 from my former oga, but I digress. So I’m in a group of let me see…emm, seven obirins – chics, no dudes – and ol’ Lord was I running out of my mind?! Working with ladies sometimes can be so ARGHHH. Not for nothing really but so unnecessary, idunno, call it whatever you like, envy, power tripping, raving hormones, PMS…jeez Louis it was irritating!

Ehen, Allen & Fifth is very much in full force o. In fact babes aint smiling no more; in fact I am “stronging” my face; and to use the works of c_b_k, I am crying blood this year, ‘cause I am determined to make this a success. I have new designs in the works. Very different from anything you’ve seen, period. Its very artful, some native, some modern but overall it’s a great collection of work. There are 4-5 designs in this collection and I will be sharing with y’all as soon as they are ready. I need your help as always to help talk about it. That’s all I need from you; talk. Start a conversation with; “have you heard of allen & fifth?” and you have made my year. Tell people about the website, tell people about the originality (na we run the society – I like that song by faze) and when the tees come out, take a friend with you and go corp one (is it corp?). OH and I’m also looking for retailers to carry my stuff, so if you know someone or know someone who knows someone that knows someone…hook it up for a sistur.

PS: I just got an email from my Ash Wednesday buddy (see post) and it read “First year in NYC I got ashes without you. Sad” – awww…so cute. On that note, try your best to be a bit better in this Lenten season.


Hasta Pronto!

Tu Amiga.

On the subject

February 3, 2009


Someone on TV described the Californian woman who delivered octuplets last week as someone with “a unique way of thinking that is not rooted in reality”. Talk about the politically correct way of saying someone is crazy. The woman is kinnda crazy though, she has no job, no husband, she lives with her parents and she already has 6 children all under of age of 7. The lady used fertility drugs and had embryos implanted.  NOTE: If anyone tells you that you have a unique way of thinking that is not rooted in reality, then they are trynna tell you something…else.


For those who care to know – and I know that’s a lot of people – GTB came through and I am now able to access my account online. Was the fuss for nothing? NO. Moral of the story, sometimes you have to be aggressive and persistent to get what you want. I recommend GTB to anyone who wants to open an account in Lagos, or anywhere in Nigeria. Their online banking tool is quite nice and user friendly. Up Guarantee Trust Bank, Up GTB – well, until they ef up, but I doubt it.


So today, I feel the urge to do work. Odd, right? Well it shouldn’t be because 1. That’s why I get paid the big bucks (don’t take that literally, its one of those clichés that I have stolen) and 2. Not doing work has become boring. Have you noticed that slacking off is slowing becoming less of an option? It’s actually going out of style.  Anyhow, back to the subject (and I’m a little unsure about what that it), in the spirit of maximizing today, I whipped out my note pad and proceeded to write a list of things that I would like to do today. This is actually an awesome tool. Back in College, I was told several times to always have a TO DO list, but I never saw the need for it. I thought my memory was just fine and so I would have days where I felt completely useless because I didn’t do anything worthwhile. Now, close to 3 years into the full time job market, and with less time for myself, I understand the relevance of having one. It is really cool, so easy and I HIGHLY recommend it. A little tip for you.


Emm, whatelse??? Allen & Fifth is coming soon with its new HOTNESS. Stay tuned…meanwhile, I am in deep conversations with the Board of Directors as we are trying to organize fantastic sale prices for outstanding items, so be on the look out. For those who don’t know about Allen & Fifth, it like, totally has the coolest tees in the UNIVERSE ;), so visit to quench your curiosity and of course place your orders.


Until next time migente, pax!